To all of you who have written in because you were concerned because I had not blogged in a while…thank you.  All is well NOW. 

 I wondered how much of an explanation to share and how much to hold back.  In March sortly after my last post I took on some huge challenges from my boss with regards to another company he owns in addition to the two I already take care of, so my time was majorly limited for blogging, and in the middle of all of that, my dear friend had a MAJOR family crisis.  The senario…sitting with my dear friends oldest daughter, helping her get things ready for the next days business since mom and dad are not there to do it, and she’s taken on the responsibility of getting things done to help them. (They were at the hospital.) So SIR and I are there helping their daughter, my dear friend returns and the 4 of us are working to get things finished (her husband was still at the hospital)…and the doorbell rings at midnight.  I am tired enough that I think NOTHING of it…. not that it is midnight, who on earth is rining their doorbell….I am just concentrating on working on the computer.  Then I hear MY DAUGHTER.  Hysterical…. she could not find us, (I had walked to my friends house when I found out what was going on and left my car, purse with cell phone and everything else at home, and SIR drove over after he found out I was there and was helping as well.)

So she is hysterical…then I hear the words….Knife…stabbed, bleeding to death…surgery…and her brothers name….. I remember looking over at my friend, and thinking to myself….has the world come to an end tonight….what else possibly could happen. Is this really happening???

 We bundle everything else up, and head to the hospital…I am torn because as much as I want to help my friend, my oldest child is now my first priority.  He has a beautiful child and another on the way… my thoughts are he cannot die… he cannot it cannot happen.  My next thought is of my middle son… OMG…what am I going to tell him.  They are as different as night and day…and are years apart in age…but they are close.  They work together…and Middle Child loves his niece as if she were his own…what do I tell him about his brother?  I don’t know the whole story yet, I have not yet arrived at the hospital.  I call and leave a message  on his cell phone because he does not anser the phone… “there has been an accident with your brother, we are on our way to the hospital, I will call you when I know more”…… thats safe.  Not TOO alarming…..yet factual.  We arrive at the ER and middle son’s car is parked out front… I assumed that his sister in law, has called him as well as our daughter earlier.  Our daughter in law had called to tell us where she was waiting since they had taken him to surgery.  When we get inside to the reception area and give them our sons name, one nurse takes another aside, and they speak quietly to each other, then ask us to follow to a private area.  (I gotta tell you, my heart was in my throat at that moment, why would they be taking us to a private waiting room, when that was not where our daughter in law was….unless it was the worst news?)  SIR was my rock that night….We are walked through a MAZE of hallways, and areas and finally arrived where they wanted us to wait.  I explain to the nurse that our daughter in law and grandchild are here as well….and they have been asked to wait at an alternate location.  They go and find her and the baby…and our middle child is with them….so we are all here…except the one who is in surgery….and I start hearing the story of the evening….WHAT HAPPENED.  The highlights …oldest son is drinking very heavily….with neighbors at a friends house…..  his wife goes to the store before going home…..shes bored and pregnant…and wants to put their little one down to sleep…when she arrives home she sees husband going into their home, but he’s doubled over and she sees blood on the entry way…and leading into their house.  He locks himself into the bathroom…and will not let her in.  He’s drunk enough that he thinks he can stop the bleeding.  (She has no idea yet he’s been stabbed.) She finally convinces him to open up the bathroom door, and sees bloodsoaked towels everywhere.  He will NOT let her call an ambulance (they don’t have health insurance is his reasoning) but he did say…call my brother.  I can lay down in his vehicle.  (So sweet loving middle child of mine drives across town to his brothers, half carries him to the car and drives back across town,  almost to where he lives, to the hospital.) He had massive internal injuries.  They kept him on a ventilator for a while longer than normal due to the fact that the high alcohol levels in his blood…and they really expected him not to breath on his own or to stop breathing after surgery.  He made it through surgery, ICU for days then into a room for a while longer.  He has mostly recovered.

 He finally realizes that he has a problem with alchohol, and has vowed to not drink, and wants help with that.  He has recovered enough to be back at work… and looking forward to the new baby’s arrival.  He and I have had some talks about life and how much “fun” life can be without being drunk. Ways to unwind after work fun things to do with friend that don’t involve alcohol.  (He says he can’t just stop after a few beers.) All I know is that I am thankful to have him around for a while longer.  He’s a special person, and has so much life to live and I am greatful that he’s around.  (Being angry at him the first day or so…was what fueled me…so angry  at him for being stupid…LOL….I think…. because if I was angry then he could not die.) Angry at him for being so drunk and playing with knives…. strange rationale I know, but that was my immediate reaction.  Then later the what if’s started… I was a basket case for a while there…. being TOO busy with all the work I was doing, stressing over my child as well…. I was a basket case.

So that was my life for most of March.  I am still extremely busy with work stuff for my boss, but I am trying to find time again for the things that are important.  SIR has had home cooked and served meals, and we are trying to relax and catch up on us as well. (He has been extremley busy with work too…which has made life easier in some ways, but harder in others.)

A fellow slave at our MAsT slave meeting asked how we were coping with everything, mainly she knows what kind of industry SIR and I are in, and how crazy busy we are all day long… unfortunatly for us…life becomes more vanilla in that aspect due to the fact that we are working until after 7 PM most nights and just getting supper and in bed to sleep before the next day starts all over again at 5:30…there is not much M/s stuff going on at all.  However once SIR has caught his breath on Friday evening after work, he is more inclined to be more outwardly MASTER for the weekend. Not my ideal by any means, but its our life, and at the moment, that is what works.   We were invited to an inpromptu play session after a munch a few weeks ago…after a long long day at work for both of us…I was yawning…while at the munch.  The last thing I was thinking of was play…OK not the last thing…but realistically I did not expect SIR to want to play…and I was really sleepy.  Nope…sleepy slave or not… he wanted to play.  Since we had not been planning on playing…no toys etc.  He made do with a few loaners, and his hand.  I was not a sleepy slave for long.  I was a happy well adjusted slave all weekend.  I felt like I head my head on straight for the rest of the weekend…and all the next week.  I need to discuss with SIR the NEED for that even when we have had crazy busy weeks…. it centers me, grounds me…and makes it easier to deal with all the other stuff.  Without it…well I am not the best slave I can be.  I tend to get more self centered… and not SIR centered…which bothers me….A LOT.  

So thats what has been up with mickimichele the past month.  I finally feel like I am back on a more even keel, not so easily washed overboard, by all of the chaotic and craziness that was my month of March.  (SIR and I completly forgot my birthday…if that tells you how crazy it was.) Oldest son in the hospital…and my boss remembered for me when they called me…. my husbands mother reminded him when she called his number instead of mine….LOL.  Absolute maddness for the month.  April is looking WAY better…and is over half way done.  

Once again…to all of you who wrote…. a huge heartfelf thank you for your concern…and my apology for not writting back.  I did not check mail for a very long while…then after I did, I did not even want to discuss what was going on…I felt too raw and not ready yet.  I still have not totally discussed it at length with my fellow friends in the lifestyle.  Just brief explainations as to why we were unavailable, it was just too much of a downer, and we really were soooo busy…. just keep moving forward, doing the most normal things we could.  We still hosted a munch after the worst was over…..but I was still to emotional to talk about it without being overwhelmed.  Now that it is over, I just want to move forward.  I am even able to tease him (my son)  about how it looks like an alien tried to escape out of his body….and he has the scars to prove it and they even took his belly button away…..  LOL

See I am laughing.  It sure as hell beats crying.  I’m back!

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